He says:
No, this isn't a blog abot Public Enemy's rap song of the same name. This is about the beautiful Thai girl I met at a gallery opening. Was she an art lover, nah...she was a server at the sponsored bar. But she was a painting. And she shut me down. Hahhaa.
Her kind of beauty inspires a man. And a girl that does that must always be on her guard from generous, but fraudulent offers, from horny men. I tried my hardest not to impose, but I did stalk her a little in my own smooth way, of course.
Here's where it started - the gallery only had a single bathroom so there was always a line. So, once my target, aka the hot girl, was waiting it was easy get into position where my target was stationery and I could chat bollock.
But, luckily after some chit-chat, but before I was able to say "any chance of a coffee?", she said something that would stop most men in their tracks..."I'm moving to San Francisco...soon!" Game over! No point to inviting to meet for coffee when a girl is packing her bags. Obviously, my reply should've been, "I was in Monterey last weekend...it's only 5 hrs away" ;-) But I got the message.
I left out the little detail of my challenger outside the bathroom earlier in the evening..."oh, you're Thai", he said, coming from nowhere and stepping all over my toes, figuratively speaking of course, "I was in Bangkok setting up an ad agency..." he continued. As she entered the bathroom he asked me if I was in line. I shook my head and smiled my "Fuck off, you cunt!" smile and walked back into the gallery to admire the art and ready to fight another day.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
The blurring of two online mating rituals
He says...this article was sent to me from a girl I met on eHarmony.com. What's amusing is she's a real estate agent:By Lucy Berrington | April 8, 2007
And now the rest of us are there too. My frenetic house-hunting this season developed an unnerving resemblance to my frenetic dating of three years ago. In both processes, it seemed at first glance that the market was glutted, but a careful look determined 95 percent was completely unsuitable. In both, the postings made claims -- "attractive," "well maintained," "personality and charm" -- that were unsupported by evidence.
Otherwise, though, the similarities were overwhelming. In the few years since house hunting and dating have moved largely online, both processes have become wildly competitive. Check out the interchangeable sales pitch ("attractive," "romantic," etc), the misleading photos, and the fact that no mention is made of "deferred maintenance," "needing TLC," or "unforeseen costs" until after a close inspection.
Elderly potential boyfriends post pictures of themselves at 25; ice-encrusted houses post pictures of themselves in summer. It is said that Henry VIII met a flattering portrait of his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, before he met Anne of Cleves herself, and that in person she was so unattractive he had to leave the room to choke or vomit or something. Thanks to digital photography and e-mail, there are versions of this scene still going on all over the dating world, just as there are buyers driving away from open houses likewise gagging. I went to see a house that had boasted of its "unusual naturalistic setting" -- the agent's online map located it in parkland -- and discovered its front windows overlook Route 9, several feet away.
Still, as my searches went on, I grew increasingly willing to overlook obvious flaws. I'd initially hoped to date a funny, good-tempered guy with a degree or two from legitimate universities and a healthy relationship with his mother. Under the pressure of reality, my criteria narrowed: In the end, the guy had to be single (yes, really), more or less heterosexual, and not yet convicted of a crime against humanity. Same thing with houses. Most new buyers anticipate a quiet Colonial with a cherry tree and a school system that will get the kids into Dartmouth or Cornell. A few months in, the same buyers might have to consider a house whose driveway is a Mass. Pike off-ramp and schools in which the teachers at least don't have sex with their pupils.
I learned to be wary of FSBOs, the houses for sale by owners: Those property transactions are notoriously trickier. But in the dating world, every deal's an FSBO. With no agents involved, both parties bring to the table an inflated sense of worth and only the vaguest awareness of protocol.
I studied the listings -- addictively. When I spotted one that might work my heart pounded. There just weren't that many out there. Sometimes I developed an online crush on a person or property only to discover my offer wasn't good enough, or I wasn't that into it after all, or the goods were already taken. This was unfortunate, since I'd already imagined us together forever and had e-mailed the picture to dozens of friends ("Great find!" "Gorgeous."). Both the houses and the men were moving targets; their status could change suddenly. Two homes I liked that went on the market on a Thursday were under agreement before the open houses on Sunday.
The term "under agreement," shortened online to UAG, came to me to look more like URG!
Incidentally, that home had a new kitchen and bathrooms, but the inspection revealed the wiring and boiler were so ancient and hazardous they could have brought the whole scene -- kitchen, bathrooms, seller, me, realtors -- to an abrupt end at any moment. This house, to use my favorite British expression, was all fur coat and no knickers (knickers being panties -- but this takes us back to the dating anecdotes).
My romantic attachment to dilapidated dwellings, an urge to rescue and re-create them, did not always serve me well. But at least my old, comparable desire for fixer-upper men was mercifully cured. Improving a house is not easy -- finding contractors, breaking fingernails, and all that -- yet how much easier it is to improve a house than a person. The house at least appreciates your good intent.
Over time, I became wary and defensive. In both processes there was too much at stake. As the radon-testing guy explained to me, the wrong house can give you cancer -- and probably that's also true of the wrong relationship.
But in the happy twist this story requires -- two happy twists -- the processes worked. A man came along, and a so did a house, that exceeded their online blurbs: entertaining, reliable, good looking, authentic. I can say that now when I go online, it's for groceries, and the spring market that's on my mind has to do with fennel and asparagus.
For hunting hunks or houses, terms and tactics sound alike
By Lucy Berrington | April 8, 2007
The spring market is here -- in real estate and in relationships. Looking at houses for sale online, or potential dates on eHarmony and Match, it seems those two pitiless experiences have all but merged into one.
Real estate professionals have been fudging the boundaries for years. They talk of "going out" with their buyers: "I went out with him three weekends in a row and then he disappeared. . . . He didn't know what he wanted. . . . I think he's going out with someone else . . . "
And now the rest of us are there too. My frenetic house-hunting this season developed an unnerving resemblance to my frenetic dating of three years ago. In both processes, it seemed at first glance that the market was glutted, but a careful look determined 95 percent was completely unsuitable. In both, the postings made claims -- "attractive," "well maintained," "personality and charm" -- that were unsupported by evidence.
I admit, there were also differences. I didn't care about the interior of a house -- I could change it -- but the exterior mattered a lot, because that would be virtually impossible to improve. With men, the reverse is true: The exterior might be salvageable, but one has to assume the interior will remain off-limits.
Otherwise, though, the similarities were overwhelming. In the few years since house hunting and dating have moved largely online, both processes have become wildly competitive. Check out the interchangeable sales pitch ("attractive," "romantic," etc), the misleading photos, and the fact that no mention is made of "deferred maintenance," "needing TLC," or "unforeseen costs" until after a close inspection.
Elderly potential boyfriends post pictures of themselves at 25; ice-encrusted houses post pictures of themselves in summer. It is said that Henry VIII met a flattering portrait of his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, before he met Anne of Cleves herself, and that in person she was so unattractive he had to leave the room to choke or vomit or something. Thanks to digital photography and e-mail, there are versions of this scene still going on all over the dating world, just as there are buyers driving away from open houses likewise gagging. I went to see a house that had boasted of its "unusual naturalistic setting" -- the agent's online map located it in parkland -- and discovered its front windows overlook Route 9, several feet away.
Still, as my searches went on, I grew increasingly willing to overlook obvious flaws. I'd initially hoped to date a funny, good-tempered guy with a degree or two from legitimate universities and a healthy relationship with his mother. Under the pressure of reality, my criteria narrowed: In the end, the guy had to be single (yes, really), more or less heterosexual, and not yet convicted of a crime against humanity. Same thing with houses. Most new buyers anticipate a quiet Colonial with a cherry tree and a school system that will get the kids into Dartmouth or Cornell. A few months in, the same buyers might have to consider a house whose driveway is a Mass. Pike off-ramp and schools in which the teachers at least don't have sex with their pupils.
I learned to be wary of FSBOs, the houses for sale by owners: Those property transactions are notoriously trickier. But in the dating world, every deal's an FSBO. With no agents involved, both parties bring to the table an inflated sense of worth and only the vaguest awareness of protocol.
I studied the listings -- addictively. When I spotted one that might work my heart pounded. There just weren't that many out there. Sometimes I developed an online crush on a person or property only to discover my offer wasn't good enough, or I wasn't that into it after all, or the goods were already taken. This was unfortunate, since I'd already imagined us together forever and had e-mailed the picture to dozens of friends ("Great find!" "Gorgeous."). Both the houses and the men were moving targets; their status could change suddenly. Two homes I liked that went on the market on a Thursday were under agreement before the open houses on Sunday.
The term "under agreement," shortened online to UAG, came to me to look more like URG!
After my first offer on a property that was formally accepted, I was crestfallen to find the house still listed online, and with an open house scheduled for the weekend, no less -- the same wrenching moment as when I discovered a guy I'd been seeing "exclusively" had left his profile up on Match. (Still, why was I looking?)
Incidentally, that home had a new kitchen and bathrooms, but the inspection revealed the wiring and boiler were so ancient and hazardous they could have brought the whole scene -- kitchen, bathrooms, seller, me, realtors -- to an abrupt end at any moment. This house, to use my favorite British expression, was all fur coat and no knickers (knickers being panties -- but this takes us back to the dating anecdotes).
My romantic attachment to dilapidated dwellings, an urge to rescue and re-create them, did not always serve me well. But at least my old, comparable desire for fixer-upper men was mercifully cured. Improving a house is not easy -- finding contractors, breaking fingernails, and all that -- yet how much easier it is to improve a house than a person. The house at least appreciates your good intent.
Over time, I became wary and defensive. In both processes there was too much at stake. As the radon-testing guy explained to me, the wrong house can give you cancer -- and probably that's also true of the wrong relationship.
But in the happy twist this story requires -- two happy twists -- the processes worked. A man came along, and a so did a house, that exceeded their online blurbs: entertaining, reliable, good looking, authentic. I can say that now when I go online, it's for groceries, and the spring market that's on my mind has to do with fennel and asparagus.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Hoochie Mama...
He says:I was with a (girl)friend of mine coming from 25 degrees heading to Franklin...we take a turn down a cul-de-sac...but all I notice was the girl in hot pants and g-r-e-a-t legs..."nice hot pants", I comment. As my friend does a three-point turn I see another hottie in a revealing top. "Why are there so many hot girls down here...?", I asked quizzically.
"You think they're hot...?!", my friend exclaimed. And here's the funny bit..."they're Hoochie Mamas!" Hhahaaaa. I was surprised.
(1) I'd never heard her use such vocab before
(2) she's a crazy clubbing girl (Area, Priviledge, LAX....) so was the pot calling the kettle black?
(3) I had no idea what a hoochie mama was...it sounded pretty cool to me! ;-)
But now I know - oh, yea 2Live Crew are all over Hoochie Mamas! Someone described a Hoochie Mama as just plain cheap, with no respect for herself...Here's what the Urban Dictionary says: "A female who dresses ghetto ho fabulous. Lots of gold, lots of weave-typically Pattie LaBelle style with red, purple, gold, or orange streaks, and long nails with lots of airbrush glitter, and color. This female's goal in life is to use her female attriibutes to obtain a male with lots of money or any money to spend on her. Weaves, rent, & diapers for her baby from another daddy included."
So why do guys like Hoochie Mamas? A man likes eye candy. And these girls know what a man's thinking and play their best hand to get ahead. I like to look as much as the next guy (ok, sometimes stare) so if there's a good looking, scantily-clad young lady wandering past my car, I'm going to acknowledge her. Hooooochie Mama! ;-) Joke! I'm a gent, but I admit I'd probably peek at her arse...
Friday, April 6, 2007
3Cs - Charm, Cunning, Confidence
He says:
Reuters newswire reported that a lawyer has written a book on dating that tries to capture the long lost art of "Alfie" or being a cad!
"In England we have always liked the idea of the charming rogue with a twinkle in his eye," said Jaan Larner, author of the tongue-in-cheek "Modern Cad Guide" for would-be rakes.
Larner believes the cad needs three vital weapons before launching into the battle of the sexes.
"They all start with C. Charm, Cunning and Confidence are the hallmarks of the cad," he told Reuters in an interview to mark the book's publication.
When pressed to pick who personifies the perfect cad, Larner is tempted to choose James Bond, the world's most famous spy with a taste for the high life and a distinct aversion to settling down.
But no list would be complete without the larger-than-life actor Oliver Reed who once famously said "I have only two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry and the other is to sleep with every woman on earth."
One of his favourite modern-day cads is Daniel Cleaver, the roguish character played in the "Bridget Jones" movies by that ultimate English charmer, the ever foppish Hugh Grant.
Larner, a 35-year-old lawyer who has now settled down with his girlfriend after a decade sowing his wild oats, believes the roue is making a comeback in a politically correct world that has created a generation of loutish yobs or subservient men.
"Being a man is a very tricky business these days. For the last decade it has been difficult to find a role model," complained the author, who was born in Sweden of an Estonian mother before moving to England.
"There was the time of New Man who was too nice and then New Lad who was too charmless. What people are looking for is something that goes beyond these two and is fun to be with."
The British are renowned for their "stiff upper lip" reserve and that is why the cad is so irresistible.
"We are so bound by our sense of propriety. That is why someone who breaks the rules is so attractive," he said.
His guide offers everything from tips on how to make the perfect seduction cocktail to juggling two girlfriends at once.
His advice is to go for "a sensible geographic and socio-economic mix -- an 18-year-old student here, a 27-year-old lawyer there."
The cad must be equipped with an encyclopaedic knowledge of cool bars and be on first name terms with the concierge in discreet and stylish hotels.
But, above all, he is a rakish figure in pursuit of fun.
For the cad's credo is: "We won't call, we don't do 'nice' and we might sleep with your sister .. but admit it -- you have missed us haven't you?"
If a girl wants the charm, cunning (read: thoughtful, wit, spontaneity) and confidence, then she's got to expect a guy to want to practice the 3Cs with other women...he's going to have plenty of opportunities and offers from ladies. I say women should tune into other qualities in a man if they want less heartaches.
Reuters newswire reported that a lawyer has written a book on dating that tries to capture the long lost art of "Alfie" or being a cad!
"In England we have always liked the idea of the charming rogue with a twinkle in his eye," said Jaan Larner, author of the tongue-in-cheek "Modern Cad Guide" for would-be rakes.
Larner believes the cad needs three vital weapons before launching into the battle of the sexes.
"They all start with C. Charm, Cunning and Confidence are the hallmarks of the cad," he told Reuters in an interview to mark the book's publication.
When pressed to pick who personifies the perfect cad, Larner is tempted to choose James Bond, the world's most famous spy with a taste for the high life and a distinct aversion to settling down.
But no list would be complete without the larger-than-life actor Oliver Reed who once famously said "I have only two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry and the other is to sleep with every woman on earth."
One of his favourite modern-day cads is Daniel Cleaver, the roguish character played in the "Bridget Jones" movies by that ultimate English charmer, the ever foppish Hugh Grant.
Larner, a 35-year-old lawyer who has now settled down with his girlfriend after a decade sowing his wild oats, believes the roue is making a comeback in a politically correct world that has created a generation of loutish yobs or subservient men.
"Being a man is a very tricky business these days. For the last decade it has been difficult to find a role model," complained the author, who was born in Sweden of an Estonian mother before moving to England.
"There was the time of New Man who was too nice and then New Lad who was too charmless. What people are looking for is something that goes beyond these two and is fun to be with."
The British are renowned for their "stiff upper lip" reserve and that is why the cad is so irresistible.
"We are so bound by our sense of propriety. That is why someone who breaks the rules is so attractive," he said.
His guide offers everything from tips on how to make the perfect seduction cocktail to juggling two girlfriends at once.
His advice is to go for "a sensible geographic and socio-economic mix -- an 18-year-old student here, a 27-year-old lawyer there."
The cad must be equipped with an encyclopaedic knowledge of cool bars and be on first name terms with the concierge in discreet and stylish hotels.
But, above all, he is a rakish figure in pursuit of fun.
For the cad's credo is: "We won't call, we don't do 'nice' and we might sleep with your sister .. but admit it -- you have missed us haven't you?"
If a girl wants the charm, cunning (read: thoughtful, wit, spontaneity) and confidence, then she's got to expect a guy to want to practice the 3Cs with other women...he's going to have plenty of opportunities and offers from ladies. I say women should tune into other qualities in a man if they want less heartaches.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Actions speak louder than words
He says:
I took a girl out a couple of times, but was 50/50...may be it showed. But by the end of the week neither of us had called or emailed. Humm, what's up with that? I thought back to my earlier posting about the fizzle out, but thought it was rude not to at least call (not that there was any fizzle...).
So, I called her as I was doing my chores on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Voicemail. And then nothing back on Sunday, Monday...until Tuesday. Something appeared in my email inbox. My frigging email?! That's it! Shirking the personal call is not a good response. So, I happily recalculated the stats Nah 80/20 Yea (ok, I'd already done the numbers before this little event). But, I didn't reply to her email...it seemed pointless, but I didn't want to be the blad who just disappears...so what should I say? My genius didn't overcome my procrastination the whole week and she beat me to it - one more email on Monday morning. "Oh, jeez, if I open this at work it'll ruin my concentration", so I put it off until I got home.
When I read it at home it simply talked about 'stuff' she'd done that weekend and how 'she wanted to keep in touch'...wanted to? And how we'd be 'awesome friends'...friends. Absolutely no problem...as long as you have hot girlfriends...Please...what about your sister?! Hahahaa!
So, the moral of this story, guys and girls. Someone who's keen on you don't wait days to get in touch, nor do they shirk a conversation by sending an email. Really, they don't if you get that vibe lay it on strong if you lust for them, or use it as a chance to back off if you're 50/50. There's always another dating opportunity.
I took a girl out a couple of times, but was 50/50...may be it showed. But by the end of the week neither of us had called or emailed. Humm, what's up with that? I thought back to my earlier posting about the fizzle out, but thought it was rude not to at least call (not that there was any fizzle...).
So, I called her as I was doing my chores on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Voicemail. And then nothing back on Sunday, Monday...until Tuesday. Something appeared in my email inbox. My frigging email?! That's it! Shirking the personal call is not a good response. So, I happily recalculated the stats Nah 80/20 Yea (ok, I'd already done the numbers before this little event). But, I didn't reply to her email...it seemed pointless, but I didn't want to be the blad who just disappears...so what should I say? My genius didn't overcome my procrastination the whole week and she beat me to it - one more email on Monday morning. "Oh, jeez, if I open this at work it'll ruin my concentration", so I put it off until I got home.
When I read it at home it simply talked about 'stuff' she'd done that weekend and how 'she wanted to keep in touch'...wanted to? And how we'd be 'awesome friends'...friends. Absolutely no problem...as long as you have hot girlfriends...Please...what about your sister?! Hahahaa!
So, the moral of this story, guys and girls. Someone who's keen on you don't wait days to get in touch, nor do they shirk a conversation by sending an email. Really, they don't if you get that vibe lay it on strong if you lust for them, or use it as a chance to back off if you're 50/50. There's always another dating opportunity.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Can you be in love with two people at the same time?
She says:
I need someone to explain this one to me because I'm a one man woman. When i'm in love with someone, it's just him and no one else. So I don't understand how someone can carry on a relationship with two people at the same time. Could it be that one person offers different things than the other? And how long does one think they'd be able to get away with loving two people simutaneously?
This topic is very close to home since I just recently dumped a bonehead who dated both me and another women for 9 months!! Okay, okay...I was lame for sticking around that long. Perhaps for me it was the challenge of knowing there was another woman. That's whole other blog in itself. But getting back to this one....the guy told me 4 months into dating that he was falling in love with me. Then proceeded to tell me that the other girl he was seeing told him she was in love with him. You follow? Strange love triangle? How is it even possible to tell someone you're falling in love with them when you're dating someone else too??? So the jerk carried on for 9 months before i finally came to my wits end and dumped his lame ass. AND I let the poor suspecting woman know he was a liar and cheater too.
So the question is....why would he carry this on for so long? Did he truly love the both of us? Or was he playing the both of us? Was she missing something I was able to provide? And vice versa? We were both Asian American women with similar personality traits and a love for our friends and family. But she was 5 feet tall, seemed needy, and according to him aggressive in pursuing him....while I'm 5'8", independent, and a little stand-offish. She seemed more the party girl who likes to show off her goods while I have an unexposing sophisticated style.
So....what's the verdict? Was he in love with the both of us? Or were we completely and utterly duped????
I need someone to explain this one to me because I'm a one man woman. When i'm in love with someone, it's just him and no one else. So I don't understand how someone can carry on a relationship with two people at the same time. Could it be that one person offers different things than the other? And how long does one think they'd be able to get away with loving two people simutaneously?
This topic is very close to home since I just recently dumped a bonehead who dated both me and another women for 9 months!! Okay, okay...I was lame for sticking around that long. Perhaps for me it was the challenge of knowing there was another woman. That's whole other blog in itself. But getting back to this one....the guy told me 4 months into dating that he was falling in love with me. Then proceeded to tell me that the other girl he was seeing told him she was in love with him. You follow? Strange love triangle? How is it even possible to tell someone you're falling in love with them when you're dating someone else too??? So the jerk carried on for 9 months before i finally came to my wits end and dumped his lame ass. AND I let the poor suspecting woman know he was a liar and cheater too.
So the question is....why would he carry this on for so long? Did he truly love the both of us? Or was he playing the both of us? Was she missing something I was able to provide? And vice versa? We were both Asian American women with similar personality traits and a love for our friends and family. But she was 5 feet tall, seemed needy, and according to him aggressive in pursuing him....while I'm 5'8", independent, and a little stand-offish. She seemed more the party girl who likes to show off her goods while I have an unexposing sophisticated style.
So....what's the verdict? Was he in love with the both of us? Or were we completely and utterly duped????
Lies, lies, lies....ye-ah!
She says:When I was younger I lied about stupid little things....mostly for acceptance, to dodge being grounded, etc. Even in relationships I remember telling half truths to keep the peace. But I had an epiphany in my mid-20s where I vowed to never lie again! Or at least die trying. Since then, I've been pretty truthful even if it means potentially hurting someone. I read in a book somewhere that "it's better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie". Compelling statement, right??
So lies and relationships.... What compels a man to lie? Especially when it comes to another woman? I mean, I know we get a little crazy when another woman is mentioned, but why lie about it? For example, the jerk I was dating. He told me for some unknown reason that he was going to dump the other girl he was dating...no pressure from me. In fact, in some weird sadistic way I was used to the arrangement. Yeah, I'm lame and weird.....I know I'm not the only one though!! So he tells me he's dumping her. He apparently dumps her but a few weeks later I find out that he lied to me. WTF?? His excuse? She came back a few days later sad and depressed....boo hoo...so his guilt took her back. He claimed he didn't have ANY feelings for her. So what was the point here? I didn't pressure him to break up with her, he offered that one all by himself, then lied about it. Is he STOOPID??
A word of advice to men....there are bright women out there who KNOW when you're lying!! We've been blessed with a simple tool called "intuition". We all have it, now whether we choose to ignore it is another story but we eventually snap into reality. So you think you're slick and you think your chick believes every word that's coming out of your mouth? Well, guess again!!
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