Base, how high can you go?

He says:

I was on the phone tonight with a friend who was recounting his abysmal love life, and he started talking about 'bases'. I couldn't rest tonight until I found out what's meant by first, second, third base...It was amazing to read the definitions, the arguments and the lies surrounding this amusing bit of American slang culture.

I could've chosen a few descriptions to share with you, but this link pretty much sums up the evolution of the much-loved phrases. I bet a guy started this analogy: it's competive, easily understood and, importantly, easily communicated. Remember, sexual conquests score very high on the bragging rights charts. I mean, check out the dude who says "we're talking full facial"...What the fuck?! He's like a sports commentator. Hahhaaa. Let's hope he's not your boyfriend?!

Psst - The title is a reference to Public Enemy, the rap band. Betcha never thought you'd come across a 'Hip Hop relationship blog' ® ...Word to the mutha!

Lost in translation?

She says:

It's not a secret that gals tend to over analyze things guys say and do. But I'm convinced that somewhere down the communication path words get lost in translation. What does it mean when a guy:

1. Wants you to meet his child before he's even kissed you?
2. Tells you he's falling in love with you while dating someone else?
3. Calls you 10 times a day?
4. Tells you "you're out of my league"?
5. Gets upset when you hang out with your guy friends but refuses to meet them when you suggest it to ease his insecurities?
6. Introduces you to his parents one month, but tells you he's not ready for a relationship the next month?
7. Sends you a email stating he never had feelings for you, but checks back with you two weeks later to ask if you received the email or simply ignoring him?

We'd like someone to give straight forward answers but something a little more descriptive than "He's just not that into you!"

He says:

Two things...7 quotes is an odd number to list...it's either 5 or 10. It's easier to process for us listmaniacs ;-) Seriously, I hope these quotes aren't from the same guy...?! Eek, major nut job if that's the case!

Umm, #5 sounds like me. Hahaa. But here's my diagnosis of the symptoms:

Translations!
#1. He's testing your commitment before things go to far...after all, the kid is a big thing to take on...
#2. Can't a man decide he likes one girl more that another? He's falling in love with you...simple.
#3. This is really embarrassing! Tell me who he is so I can slap him ;-)
#4. This sounds like a poorly executed compliment! You are tooo hooot, babay!!
#5. He doesn't want to integrate...he wants to be territorial about his gal! Not much future in this guy...worse than your parents saying he's not the one...you friends will hate him because you'll feel guilty going out or you'll always bitch about him behind his back to your friends.
#6. He's a mommy's boy and she said you weren't the girl for him.
#7. He's been seeing someone else, but he's come back looking for opportunities or the "grass is greener on the other side".

She says:

Yeah...sorry about that, mate! I was on a roll and decided to stop at 7...honestly each question could be a blog on its own! Translations needed were a compilation of inquiries from different friends and their men's weird behavior. So no....not one nutty guy, but rather several!

The difference between Women and Men, part 1

How to shower like a women / like a man

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How we choose partners...can you count to 10?

He says:

Natural Selection

On the BBC ages ago was a documentary about genetics and mating. There were 10 guys and 10 girls. Everyone was give a number 1-10. Then they were told to pair up, but with a number the same or lower than theirs. So, 10s wanted 1-9 etc. But who do the 1s go for? They can only go for 1. This starts a ripple effect. 1 = 1, 2 = 2 etc. 10 = 10.

What does this prove? Well, genetically good-looking people (the 1s) will not usually settle for 2s or higher (i.e. uglier people than themselves). That means that people generally can't pair up with prettier people than themselves and have to settle for similar/same looking mates. So, if you see an uglier dude with a hotter bird, it's odd. I'd be thinking: he's rich, he's power, or he has a big dick. All of these things give a bloke a bit more attitude than most and you know that's like an aphrodisaic to birds! (See my post 15th Feb 2007).

One night stands....Yey or Nay?

He says:

My mate, R, and I met up last night to catch up. And the subject of one night stands came up. Yes, this is what guys take about over a beer sometimes, when there's no sport to commentate on ;-)

So, R said he's had two such experiences. "Me too", I exclaimed, in a moment of male-bonding! R went on to say that girl #1 rode him hard (yes, guys talk like this); the other, girl #2, went into some post-coital nest-building thing and started to plan. He got up and fled the scene. It's this last girl that I feel compelled to write about. What was she thinking?

Listen, as my girlfriend E says, if you sleep with someone on a first-date or after you've randomly met them at a bar/restaurant/airport lounge (delete as necessary) then get it in perspective: this isn't anything resembling a steady relationship and can't be easily converted into one. I'm not saying it can't turn into a dating thing, but the guy is wanting 'wham, bam, thank you madam', and all girls should understand that.

May be this was an example of the cliche that 'girls use sex to get love; guys use love to get sex', although I know R never used those immortal three words, "I heart you..."

She says:

All girls SHOULD understand that men who are out for a one night stand simply want just that. But try telling that to a single woman who's hit her 30's, aching to get married, and panicking at the increased pounding of the "tell-tale" biological clock!

Guys, it's the luck of the draw these days. You'll either get an uber independent woman who wants exactly what you want - a hot night with no strings attached...or you'll find a rabbit boiling in your pot one evening. Scary, but true. I've met some pretty crazy women AND men who are capable of causing some serious drama in your life if you don't "heart" them back!

But in all seriousness, you can't really fault the woman if she "hopes" for something more out of a one night stand. Isn't it universally known that most women are more emotional and can't help but let feelings get in the way? At the same token, isn't it universally known that most men are simple creatures who can completely compartmentalize their emotions? Men and women are wired differently and as logical as it seems to keep it in perspective, when it comes to a one night stand someone always ends up getting hurt....and not in a good way.

Excuse me....Aren't you with here with someone?

She says:

I just recently attended a destination wedding in Jamaica. Perfect timing for a fun getaway with friends after sulking around Heartbreak City for the past few months. Was looking forward to getting my groove back....not with a local, but perhaps another single visitor? But as soon as I arrive, not only am I hit with the tropical heat and humidity, I also realize....everyone is coupled off! As I'm about to board the shuttle to the resort, I notice the words "Couples San Souci" written across the side. Great.... How am I supposed to get my groove back now?

Not only am I one of three single people on this resort, I'm also one of three Asians on the whole island! Was this to my advantage? Or was it the "no problem" Jamaican attitude I took head on? Whatever it was I was showered with attention by the men! The funny thing...they were with their significant others. What's up with that?? One night while lounging with a friend at the beach bar, she starts to chuckle. I ask, "What's so funny?" She replies, "It's hilarious to watch these guys try to sneak a look at you through the corner of their eyes while sitting right next to their women!"

I totally get the "no harm, no foul" and "you can look but you can't touch", but come on! Don't get ME wrong, I enjoyed the attention. Although I would never act on any sort of proposition and it was certainly a boost to the ego. But I wonder...."what're these guys thinking at the moment?"

He says:

Hahaaa! These guys were dreaming about the other resort they'd heard about in Jamaica...Hedonism, hahaha!

Who knows what was going on in these guy's minds?! The warm sun, the sea air...the single Asian girl...all got under their collar and distracted them from being 'focused' on their girlfriend/wife. (Hey, may be the lady was their sister or something...?! ;-) )

It's definately not cool to spend $2,000 to take your bird to a tropical island and then oggle another woman! I think I'm more discreet, but my sister moans when I get that g-l-a-z-e-d look as an stunning girl is in the vicinity.

But, I think you need to elaborate on what you were wearing wandering about the couple's resort. Did you let your jiggly bits have some freedom under your less than modest polka dot bikini? Come on, 'fess up...guys can't help themselves...what's that cliched statistic? "Men think about sex every 7 seconds!"

Heartache..? Go kiss a stranger and feel better!

He says:

I'm a tuned in, trendy Asian dude ;-) I even keep abreast of things in Europe, but it's easy with UrbanJunkies' the bite-size news and events webzine that comes to my inbox via First Class email. Here is its advice on getting over a boy in your life:

"Heartbreak. Not a nice feeling, is it?

My friend Amy's solution is to go out and "kiss a boy". To me, it always seemed a bit stupid - like putting salt in the wound. What if the new boy you kissed didn't call you? Surely, then you'd be even more depressed.

But, recently, after a particularly bad break up, she dragged me out to a City bar and said we weren't leaving until I'd locked lips. Some poor sod eventually obliged, and frankly, I did wake up the next morning with a spring in my step. Kissing - or snogging, as you Brits call it - really is one of the all-time great pastimes."

Now, I wish there were more girls like that around. Cheap snogs are great, but it has to be with strangers, not girls you're trying to impress and no-one too close to your circle, otherwise you'll be labeled a letch. Ummm...on second thoughts being the bad guy isn't always a bad thing! I mean, come on...being the 'nice guy' means your chances of getting a snog are seriously limited! Seriously!

How did I come to this conclusion? Well, anytime I've cut to the chase instead of the tippy-toeing around the subject of a snog I've got 'well past' first base. In my mind, the longer the tippy-toe pattern is allowed to last, the less likely you will get any tongue action ;-) But, then the question is "how long is toooo long?!" That question keeps me up at night...when I'm alone in bed ;-) Hhahaaa.

She says:

REALLY?? How would kissing a stranger make you feel better when your heart's crumbling into a million pieces?? I'd think it would be the LAST thing on your mind. Although, it could be a temporary fix if you've had 7 cocktails and the guy's especially HOT!

I don't know about the random kissing thing, but I do know that being the center of attention definitely helps. I recently went to a destination wedding where men were flirting with me left and right. Having gone through a recent heartache, the attention was a bit empowering and now that I think of it....it DID bring a little spring into my step. So perhaps my "attention" is the same thing as "random kissing" to someone else?

Nice guys don't win

He says:

The first date I had in LA was thanks to the gallery scene I latched onto when I arrived in Santa Monica in late-2003. Oh, man - that girl was hot in a mixed-Japanese kinda way, but she was a bit of a beetch and taught me a lesson I'd like to share with all the fellas.

I'm a pretty together guy, but I admit I'm a bit too 'nice' (arrgh, I hate that description). And that kind of attitude is not what makes the 'right' impression with girls you're trying to hit on. Girls want some other attitude, some arrogance, some 'game', and I guess a bit of a player. Come on, be honest!

Case in point: I'm in a gallery in Santa Monica where I'd befriended the owner - (yes, two weeks in and I'd already lined up a DJ slot in said gallery for the next show). That night, I see this hottie and for some reason think I know her (how could I, I'm new to LA, right?), so I stare at her a little too long as she enters the gallery. That's it....a bit of attitude on my part and she's into me. I go and talk to her and find myself inviting myself to her weekend hiking trip and getting her contact details. That hike never happened, but we do go out for dinner and some art show.

Now, I was thinking "I like this girl". That means, I'm treat the girl with some level of respect and I'm not going to try to bed you straight away. Unfortunately, that was/is my downfall. This girl was happy to make-out in the car, but she looked at me like I was mental when I didn't invite her in for a 'nightcap'. Uh, in hindsight I messed up. Any good host would've at least offered coffee!

May be I draw the line too firmly and have set ideas about how dates are meant to progress. May...may be not. Anyway, the second date was not great and the third was down right diabolical. I should've thought less about next week, and more about the next morning and just bedded her. Live and learn...I try, but it's hard not being nice!

Read this article from Heartless Bitches - they are bitches, but there's some truth in them words!

She says:

Your problem wasn't that you were too nice. You simply didn't pick up on the hint, i.e. the mental look. Hello!!

Let's just be friends...Happy Valentine's

He says:

I've been in the throes of making out with a girl when she's thrown a wrench in the works: "Don't you think we should just be friends?" Splutter! Fuck, no! That often used phrase needs neutralizing as quickly as possible. In this case (actually, my one and only time), my strategy was to continuing kissing her...it's hard to talk and think and make-out at the same time. I'm smart, me ;-)

But, that won't work for long: a girl who develops cold feet will make her feelings known - she could just avoid you, avoid your phone calls or simply ignore you! Man, what a beech! ;-)

Biz Markie is the man...



She says:

Why the heck is the girl making out with you in the first place only to stop and ask "Don't you think we should just be friends?" She obviously doesn't "got what you nee-eeeed". The true question is...did she develop cold feet? Or was she never interested to begin with? Hmmmmm..... Did your strategy work?

He says:

Oi, come on...I'm a charming guy and I'm reading the pick-up manual, 'The Game'! Of course she wasn't into me in that way, but in the privacy of a private bar and surrounded by strangers she let her guard down, just a little. Did my strategy work? Just for that night. No more after that...but she told me to my face and we shook hands.

The Make-Out Playbook

He says:

Guys like manuals and DIY (do-it-yourself) guides. But something like a 'make-out playbook' has been sadly missing. It's unfair - women have had the benefit of monthly articles for generations and more recently articles in Cosmo and books like, The Rules. Now, it's the guys' turn.

Last week, I was doing my laundry and passed the time by reading my (free) copy of Men's Health, March 2007. Page 134-139 was a step-by-step guide to bedding your 'bird' - from step #1 (fancy a date) to step #12 (the morning after)! The guide had easy-to-follow steps, with ticks and crosses and lots of stats (67% of women say: The cleanliness of your bathroom is paramount).

Men are simple souls. We like diagrams and ordered lists, especially for complex, strategic pastimes like seducing women ;-) I am all for the 'keep it simple, stoopid' approach (or KISS in marketing speak). However, in my experience women aren't all the same (obviously), so the playbook only goes some way towards really winning a lady over. And no, chat up lines are plain weak!

The guide might give some guys confidence, but a word of warning: if you have no game, you definately have no business trying these moves - if only making-out could be neatly-labeled and idiot-proof. *If only*!

But, go on and get Men's Health and do your make-out homework! Study hard boys....it might make you look like a natural. Umm, but don't be a fool and try steps #1-#12...improvise, imaginate (ok, that's not a word, but no one will know) and report back ;-)



She says:

LOL! Men want handbooks and guidelines about how to woo a woman into a make out session or a relationship? I guess men and women aren't THAT different after all!

I wonder? How many people actually put into action the guidelines and suggestions these books, magazines and articles offer. I admit it! I've browsed through if not thoroughly studied a few of these handbooks. But no matter how much study and use you put into this stuff, it all boils down to this...are you trying to be someone you're not? Why all that extra work only to discover that it's THAT much harder to keep up a false persona because "the playbook told you it would work"? All that for the sake of getting the other person to like you more? That's lame.

I'll let you in on something. When women get together and compare notes about their guys, we all ask the same question.....WHERE THE HELL DID THEY LEARN THIS STUFF?? Did they ALL go to the same retarded school of dating?? Toss out the playbook and try something refreshing....uh, like be yourself?

He says:

Uhhh. who's that girl on the Cosmo cover? She's hhhhot! Snigger ;-)