Actions speak louder than words

He says:

I took a girl out a couple of times, but was 50/50...may be it showed. But by the end of the week neither of us had called or emailed. Humm, what's up with that? I thought back to my earlier posting about the fizzle out, but thought it was rude not to at least call (not that there was any fizzle...).

So, I called her as I was doing my chores on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Voicemail. And then nothing back on Sunday, Monday...until Tuesday. Something appeared in my email inbox. My frigging email?! That's it! Shirking the personal call is not a good response. So, I happily recalculated the stats Nah 80/20 Yea (ok, I'd already done the numbers before this little event). But, I didn't reply to her email...it seemed pointless, but I didn't want to be the blad who just disappears...so what should I say? My genius didn't overcome my procrastination the whole week and she beat me to it - one more email on Monday morning. "Oh, jeez, if I open this at work it'll ruin my concentration", so I put it off until I got home.

When I read it at home it simply talked about 'stuff' she'd done that weekend and how 'she wanted to keep in touch'...wanted to? And how we'd be 'awesome friends'...friends. Absolutely no problem...as long as you have hot girlfriends...Please...what about your sister?! Hahahaa!

So, the moral of this story, guys and girls. Someone who's keen on you don't wait days to get in touch, nor do they shirk a conversation by sending an email. Really, they don't if you get that vibe lay it on strong if you lust for them, or use it as a chance to back off if you're 50/50. There's always another dating opportunity.

Can you be in love with two people at the same time?

She says:

I need someone to explain this one to me because I'm a one man woman. When i'm in love with someone, it's just him and no one else. So I don't understand how someone can carry on a relationship with two people at the same time. Could it be that one person offers different things than the other? And how long does one think they'd be able to get away with loving two people simutaneously?

This topic is very close to home since I just recently dumped a bonehead who dated both me and another women for 9 months!! Okay, okay...I was lame for sticking around that long. Perhaps for me it was the challenge of knowing there was another woman. That's whole other blog in itself. But getting back to this one....the guy told me 4 months into dating that he was falling in love with me. Then proceeded to tell me that the other girl he was seeing told him she was in love with him. You follow? Strange love triangle? How is it even possible to tell someone you're falling in love with them when you're dating someone else too??? So the jerk carried on for 9 months before i finally came to my wits end and dumped his lame ass. AND I let the poor suspecting woman know he was a liar and cheater too.

So the question is....why would he carry this on for so long? Did he truly love the both of us? Or was he playing the both of us? Was she missing something I was able to provide? And vice versa? We were both Asian American women with similar personality traits and a love for our friends and family. But she was 5 feet tall, seemed needy, and according to him aggressive in pursuing him....while I'm 5'8", independent, and a little stand-offish. She seemed more the party girl who likes to show off her goods while I have an unexposing sophisticated style.

So....what's the verdict? Was he in love with the both of us? Or were we completely and utterly duped????

Lies, lies, lies....ye-ah!

She says:

When I was younger I lied about stupid little things....mostly for acceptance, to dodge being grounded, etc. Even in relationships I remember telling half truths to keep the peace. But I had an epiphany in my mid-20s where I vowed to never lie again! Or at least die trying. Since then, I've been pretty truthful even if it means potentially hurting someone. I read in a book somewhere that "it's better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie". Compelling statement, right??

So lies and relationships.... What compels a man to lie? Especially when it comes to another woman? I mean, I know we get a little crazy when another woman is mentioned, but why lie about it? For example, the jerk I was dating. He told me for some unknown reason that he was going to dump the other girl he was dating...no pressure from me. In fact, in some weird sadistic way I was used to the arrangement. Yeah, I'm lame and weird.....I know I'm not the only one though!! So he tells me he's dumping her. He apparently dumps her but a few weeks later I find out that he lied to me. WTF?? His excuse? She came back a few days later sad and depressed....boo hoo...so his guilt took her back. He claimed he didn't have ANY feelings for her. So what was the point here? I didn't pressure him to break up with her, he offered that one all by himself, then lied about it. Is he STOOPID??

A word of advice to men....there are bright women out there who KNOW when you're lying!! We've been blessed with a simple tool called "intuition". We all have it, now whether we choose to ignore it is another story but we eventually snap into reality. So you think you're slick and you think your chick believes every word that's coming out of your mouth? Well, guess again!!

Top 10 things that annoy men...

He says:

It's official...well, Movin' 939 FM's Rick Dees says so!?

This morning he listed the 'Top 10 things women do that men hate'

#10 Bitchyness...usually targeted at other women
#9 Jealously...the mere mention of another girl's name brings on the cold shoulder
#8 Neediness...please, don't call every hour
#7 Coded messages...we men can't read minds or hearts...say what you really mean
#6 ...can't read my writing
#5 Lack of respect for personal space...no make-up, undies etc. at our place
#4 Being too emotional...pleasseee get it in perspective
#3 Being a snoop...don't be nosy
#2 Talking over each other...why do women do that?!

And the #1 pet peev....wait for it...

#1 Using sex as a weapon...come on...that's lame...

Yeah, I know...it's a bit of an anti-climax...I don't make'em up, I just report them ;-)

She says:

I just spent an hour looking for a top 10 list of thing women hate about men. Would you believe such lists don't exist? Unless you want one from the "India Times" site! No wonder men are so clueless and continue to piss us off!

Here's some insight to why we do things to piss you guys off:

#10 Bitchyness...With the current shotage of good men, why the hell wouldn't we be bitchy towards other women? Especially if they're bitches!! And the bitchyness isn't really targeted towards women, it's towards men too....depending on what the men do and the time of month. ;)

#9 Uh, why would you even mention another girl's name? See #10.

#8 Neediness? We call it validation....validation that you're thinking of us, validation that you care, validation that we're the only one. Or is it confirmation? Well whichever helps us to know that we're a priority in your life! But you know what? It goes both ways, I just broke up with a guy who called every hour. I don't need to know what you're having for lunch, or what you plan to watch on the tube later, or that you're crossing the street or picking your ass...enough already!!

#7 Morse code?...Totally true and guilty of it. I tell my gals that you have to tell men exactly what you want because we're wired differently. Women can just look at each other and we know what we're thinking. You can't really fault the guy for being dumb...eh hem...I mean unable to read our minds.

#6 ...can't provide input if you can't read your own writing....haha.

#5 We respect your personal space. We respect it so much WE want to put our stuff there too!! Listen, don't be a wimp. If you're not ready for the toothbrush in the bathroom, undies in the drawer, etc. just tell her so! What's the worst that could happen? She could go pyscho on you and stab you with her toothbrush....but really what're the chances of that? Oh...you're in LA, pretty high!

#4 The reason why we get so emotional is because YOU don't put it in perspective! Stop dodging questions regarding the relationship! Also, hate to pull this card but sometimes we do get a little emotional.....we can't help it, it's hormonal!

#3 Ah....being snoopy. Yes, most of us are that. I don't get how men aren't.....or are you just undercover about it? Listen, it's in our nature to be curious. If you've got nothing to hide, then lay it all out. The only reason why we snoop is because you've given us reason to. Shady behavior deserves a good snoop.

#2 Talking over each other? What does that mean?

#1 Well, of course!! Sex is the only way to get you to listen or do what we want you to do!!! Hello!!!

Guys who always get the girl…

He says:

This article by Chelsea Kaplan on MSN.com was forwarded to me by a single LA girl I know. It was interesting. But, I know none of these guys wouldn't agree with each other on techniques, moves or strategies when it comes to women.

Personally, I know most of this stuff and have 'used' a few of the tips, but only when it feels natural. I flunk out on #2 - I just don't do the spontaneous well, I think I'm a geek at heart ;-) And sometimes my interpretation of #8 makes it hard to progress to a kiss and a cuddle.

Ah, experience comes with age. If only I knew what I know now when I was 18!? Hahahaa.

"You don’t have to be loaded or look like Matthew McConaughey to successfully reel in women. We polled chick magnets across the country for their rules of attraction. And we must say, these guys have some secrets worth stealing.

#1 Take notice
“I’ve found that women love getting compliments on their appearance. I always pick one aspect of how she looks and comment on why I think it’s fantastic. I try to be specific so she feels it’s genuine and not just an attempt to score points (even though that’s sort of what it sometimes is!). Instead of saying something general like, ‘You look nice’, I might say, ‘I really like your earrings; that shade of blue matches your eyes’ or ‘I love those boots; they make your legs look incredible.’ Women are amazed that I pay that kind of attention and they’re always appreciative.”
– Thom, 33, actor, Manhattan Beach, CA

#2 Be spontaneous
“One thing women always comment on is that I’m a spontaneous, take-charge kind of guy—and they really like that. If I’m out on a first date and a woman mentions how she used to go bowling a lot when she was a kid, I’ll say, ‘So let’s go bowling right after we finish our dessert.’ Or if it’s winter and the mood strikes, I’ll drive a date to the beach, just to look at the water. I think women like a man who isn’t afraid to act on impulse and do things that really make you enjoy life.”
– Brian, 35, radio-station manager, Boston

#3 Talk the talk
“Most people love talking about themselves, so when I first meet a woman I’m interested in, I’ll ask questions so that she’s doing most of the talking. Not only does it make her happy, but it’s a great way to get to know her—everyone wins! I usually ask about her childhood first — Where did she grow up? Did she like it? What did her parents do? — and then I’ll ask questions about her present job, apartment and her goals for the future. Women are drawn to me because it’s clear I’m not just drawn to them for their looks.”
– Danny, 30, graduate student, Pittsburgh, PA

#4 Play the charm card
“In my experience, I get a lot more dates than my friends because I flirt—a lot. I think dating should be a fun, playful experience. So I’m not afraid to approach a woman but before I launch into a corny pick-up line I’ll say, ‘Promise me I get a do-over if you hate this opening line.’ Or I’ll go over to an attractive woman and ask her, ‘What’s it like being the prettiest girl in this room?’ I have to say, I think my relaxed, joke-y way of approaching women really works.”
– Tom, 38, architect, Chicago

#5 Find a funky, fun first date
“I always try to take a girl on a really different first date—one that will show her that I’m a spontaneous, up-for-anything person. I shy away from the typical dinner or movie and instead choose something that’s different and cool, yet still within her comfort zone. I can’t say it’s always cheap or easy, but I like the creative challenge of coming up with something memorable and romantic. I’ve arranged for a private, at-home cooking lesson with a chef from one of my favorite restaurants, scheduled a rooftop massage for two and even once took a girl on a helicopter ride over the city. I want her to feel like she’ll always have fun if she continues to see me. And the strategy has been working, knock wood.”
– Michael, marketing strategist, 29, New York, NY

#6 Eye, eye, sir
“When I am with a woman—whether I am talking to her, dancing with her, or eating with her, I make as much eye contact as possible. Not in a creepy way, but in a way that communicates, ‘I am paying attention to you and am genuinely interested in being here with you.’ Essentially, you want to convey that you only have eyes for her, no pun intended. Nothing makes a woman feel more insecure than a guy with whose eyes are darting around the room. I find women respond to this and really open up.”
– Oliver, 29, lawyer, Hartford, CT

#7 No call-waiting
“Contrary to what you see in the movies and on TV, I think it’s always best to call a girl when you say you are going to call and not play stupid waiting games. What’s that all about? If I tell a girl I’ll call her tomorrow, I do, and I always get a good reaction. In fact, I think it’s sad when girls are surprised that I follow up as promised. The right kind of girl doesn’t want a guy who plays games. Treat a woman with respect, and she’ll want to be around you.”
– Jeffrey, 31, sales representative, Chamblee, GA

#8 Be a gentleman
“I admit it’s old-fashioned, but I always open doors for a woman, pull out her chair before she sits and stand when she gets up from the table. Women are sometimes a little surprised by my actions, but ultimately they appreciate it. A woman once told me that doing those things made her feel like a lady and that’s what it’s all about. If you treat a woman like a Queen, she’ll want you to be her King, so to speak!”
– Larry, 27, lawyer, Miami, FL

She says:

Yes! YES! YEEEEEESSSSS!!! Where do we find these guys??? And where the heck is Chamblee??

Attraction Principles: How to Meet, Attract, and Understand Men

He says:

I saw this event and thought 'This is so American!' I mean, I've never seen a seminar that treats men/opposite sex like the 'Guaranteed To Ski 1-2-3' class I took in Vermont when I learnt to ski. Yes it worked...so I wonder whether this type of class will help women?

And, why haven't I seen a version for men? May be men don't like to be seen as vunerable in the game of Love? Nevertheless, I've sought out experienced tips on women...may be in the wrong places (The Game by Neil Strauss). I'd consider attending something like this, after all I've been told I'm a self-help addict! May be guys want more tangible results, like money-back guarantee: "if you don't meet the woman of your dreams within 6 months we'll refund the price of your ticket!" I can see Chapter 11 looming...

Details About This Event:

Let's face it: the ability to attract men, and the right type of man, really matters. The more men you attract, the greater the chances are that you will find one who is truly right for you. But it matters beyond that. Success with men crosses over to success in life. There's a domino effect. There`s a rise in confidence. So come join the seminar! You`ll learn:

- What men want
- Techniques to boost your confidence in ANY situation
- Dating and effective communication
- Where to find the man you're looking for

You will walk out the door with a newfound confidence and a set of techniques that you can begin applying immediately.

ABOUT THE INSTRUCTOR

Edward Manfre is an award winning writer, speaker, and personal empowerment coach. He is also a co-founder of `Man Up Now!` - an organization that coaches men to maximize their personal and professional potential. A long time student of the psychology of attraction, Edward teaches men and women how to attract, sustain, and maintain the healthy and prosperous relationship that they`ve always dreamed of. He emphasizes personal empowerment, optimism, and universal principles in all of his work. His vision is to forever change the way men and women relate to each other, one person at a time.

About MoxieInTheCity.net:

MoxieintheCity develops classes, workshops and events designed to help people find—and keep—the relationship of their dreams. Moxie doesn't just give you the opportunity to meet great people, she provides singles (and couples) with tips, techniques and advice that can help you date & mate more successfully. Plus, MoxieintheCity.net plans private events as well. Got a bachelorette party or Girl's Night Out coming up? Add a Private Lapdance Class, Sex Ed Salon or Mani/Pedi package to your evening. Get free dating advice, too! Just check out the blog.

I'm calling my lawyer!

He says:

I was at a friend's new downtown condo and the place was overrun with lady lawyers. It's always interesting to eavesdrop on women in conversation, but add to that ladies that strategize and argue for a living?! It adds to some priceless fodder for Sweeet and Sour.

Lawyer B was telling my Lawyer A friend about a guy she's dates a couple of times. But right now, she's hoping it fizzles out. The vibe isn't there and she doesn't want to be straight and say so, mainly because it he doesn't seem that keen himself so probably won't pursue the relationship. A great prospect for the 'fizzle out'!

But she's frustrated. No, not in that way ;-) But by the fact he calls occasionally.
However, he doesn't suggest another date or rendezvous...he just asks 'how her day was' and chats aimlessly. No request for coffee, dinner, no nuthin'! 'What does that mean?'...'What do I do?', she asked.

After much deliberation it was agreed that she shouldn't do anything differently unless he escalates things and makes his motives known. Then, and only then, should she make a work-related excuse and respectfully bow out of his dating vocabularly.

She says:

Gosh, why are women soooo nice? Why do we continue to take the calls when you want it to fizzle out? Wait, why the heck is he calling just ask how her day is rather than asking her out? Has it come to this? Dysfunctional dating??

A problem with today's daters is the inability to be honest and just say what you have to say! "Sorry, dude...I'm just not romantically into you." That's polite AND you save yourself the trouble of having to dodge calls, awkward moments, etc. If you aren't feeling the love vibe but you think the guy is cool and want to remain friends, say it just like that. If not, then c-u-t it loose!!

Snowboarders...good in bed?

He says:

There's nothing more alluring than a girl that can shake her thang on the dance floor. I used to think a girl that could dance was gonna be a wildfire in bed. It's something about the energy, the self-expression, blah, blah.

So, when I was on the slopes this weekend snowboarding I wondered...ummm if a girl can ski or snowboard gracefully and with poise will she be ace in bed? Then, I concentrated on my turns, repeat after me "heel, toe, heel, toe..." ;-) Remember, we guys think about sex several times a minute!

Right, where the apres-boarding party? See you at the bar...


She says:

Snowboarders good in bed? Never thought of it. Let's go back to the dancing thing for a minute....

When I was in my early 20's I refused to date a guy who didn't have any rhythm. I LOVE to shake my thang and if the guy couldn't keep up and harmonize with my moves it was a complete turn off. There is definitely something H-O-T about a guy who can groove on the dance floor. You know the saying, "Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire." I've been told that a guy who gotz moves on the dance floor can DEFINITELY get down in bed....uh, no pun intended.

Now let's scroll through my memory bank and determine whether or not this is true.....

Um....uh huh....um hm....right....oh yeah.....oooh....

Yup! Tis true! The guys with no rhythm on the dance floor have no business being in bed with me!

Okay , back to the snowboarding/skiing thing. I'm curious now. I wonder if a guy who swoops down the slopes with such masculinity and charge is the same way in bed??

Eh hem...where's that bar?

New outsourcing phenomenon...Husbands?!

He says:

News in Europe had me thinking about the global dating phenomenon that slowly crept up on us. The other month, it was revealed that film star Hugh Grant will not be attending his ex-girlfriend Liz Hurley's wedding. This could've been because Hurley didn't get on with Grant's ex, Jemima Khan, nee Goldsmith, even though Grant and Khan have recently broken up after three rocky years together. You know there's trouble when a spokeswoman for Grant said the split had not changed a thing. She said: "Hugh is not going to Elizabeth's wedding. He was not invited and there is no weirdness or bitterness."

Anyway...I'm not that interested in the E! Channel shite. No, I want to draw your attention to my observation...the outsourcing of husbands! It's true. Look at Hurley - she's engaged to the Indian textiles millionaire businessman, Arun Nayar. Not so far removed from Hurley is Jemima Khan who was married to the Pakistani cricketer, Imran Khan, for nine years, moved to Pakistan and learnt Urdu. Amazing stuff.

Which other women marrying foreigners? I'll throw in the American brides who have married Brits: Liv Tyler (Royston Langdon, lead singer of Spacehog), Gwyneth Paltrow (Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay), Gwen Stefani (Gavin Rossdale, band member of Bush) and Madonna (Guy Ritchie, film director).

Brits rule, you should try them out ladies ;-)



She says:

It's official! Women are bored with their own race which is why we resort to foreigners! Or maybe they just have nice personalities? Maybe they have great things to offer? Hmm... but what could they offer? If you think about it, many Asian cultures don't treat their women with the utmost respect or tender care. Does that only apply to lower and middle class? Is it different if you're a millionaire or billionaire in the textile industry dating an American actress? I don't get it.

If I could nab a great Brit I would surely try him out. That accent alone would woo me into pieces. Aw hell, if I could nab a great Indian, Persian, Pakistani or Martian I'd try any of them out too! It's just the "great" part that lacks in most men. Sigh.

Love thyself, before you can love others

He says:

When I was doing some soul-searching I was given all sorts of advice: read 'Loving What Is', try Landmark Forum, have a one-night stand...ok I made the last one up, but you get it. There are different ways to get a sense of self (on your own, with therapy-type groups...etc.), but you have to invest.

I can't remember where I found this list of 'rules', but they're old. However, they're quite a good start to the weekend. If you're an atheist, then replace Jesus for Oprah in Rule 3 ;-)

Seven Ways to Cultivate A Mental Attitude That Will Bring You Peace and Happiness

Rule1:

Let's fill our minds with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope, for "our life is what our thoughts make it."

Rule 2:

Let's never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let’s never waste a minute thinking about people we don't like.

Rule 3:
A. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let's expect it. Let's remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day -- and only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?

B. Let’s remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude—but to give for the joy of giving.

C. Let’s remember that gratitude is a "cultivated trait"; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.

Rule 4:

Count your blessings--- not your troubles!

Rule 5:

Let’s not imitate others. Let’s find ourselves and be ourselves, for “envy is ignorance” and “imitation is suicide”

Rule 6:

When fate hands us a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade.

Rule 7:

Let’s forget our own unhappiness---by trying to create a little happiness for others. “When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.”

From Dale Carnegie, "How to stop worrying and start living", 1944

She says:

Loving thyself does more than help you love others. It elevates your view of yourself which in turn helps you to enjoy life's joys and cope with the pains. Believe me, I've done the self help books and rules but through the years I've learned that it boils down to one thing.....the Laws of Attraction. You love yourself, you'll attract positive people, events and opportunities. You hate yourself and you'll attract all the negative aspects. Act like a victim and you'll always be the victim. Act like a survivor and you'll always persevere!

This topic is interesting to me because I just got out of a relationship where the guy was such a whiner and complainer. He blamed everything and anything on life rather than taking some sort of responsibility. Dude! Stop your belly-aching and DO something about it!! Identify all the negative things in your life....relationships, careers, etc. You have the power to change those things! For those who can't see how, you're either scared or lazy. How can I be so harsh? Well, I have every right because I've been there and am done with it! It all revolves around what you want in life, figuring out how to get it, being relentless, and surrounding yourself with encouraging people! That's what goals and heroes are for. Don't have goals? Create them! No one's gonna do it for you! The lame whiny guy I broke up with said that heroes are for weak losers....uh, how the heck can you make yourself better and more successful if you don't have a role model?? Duh!!

He says:

Wow...I think I touched a nerve ;-) I hate whiners too...but I'm very supportive in the beginning. And then I get that deja vu feeling and start to 'grunt' replies..."um, yea, uh huh..." whilst thinking "I think I have some laundry to do..."

Anyway...men: it's unmanly to constantly moan and bitch to your woman! She's not there to be your Mum...she's needs stuff from you too, so don't end up like the ex above. Take a deep breathe and look in the mirror. You are the source of your unhappiness.

Clash of the Cultures

He says:

Guys and girls are different enough to cause major communication problems. But add in some foreign blood and that's a recipe for utter frustration, name calling and, oh, blue balls!?

My friend, M, recently made the acquaintance of a Taiwanese girl who lives in Taipei (if you don't know it's 12 hours away from LA look it up). He's chatting her up online and gradually organizes for her to visit. Uh oh, I can feel the pain right now...! However, tempting and romantic it sounds to have a beautiful (by all accounts) stranger travel 6,776 miles to your home town, it's pure love suicide to do it if it involves foreign Asian blood. And Taiwanese girls, jeez, don't get me started.

Oh, okay...here it is: Taiwanese girls are crap. They look hot, but there is something not quite connected in their heads. I did a dating survey: holding hands is thought of as a big commitment; the definition of a date is vague; no Taiwanese girls I know can comprehend 'the one-night stand' (no, I'm not looking for a slag, but I am hoping they're sexually liberated...and experienced ;-) ), but they are happy to dance and giggle whilst singing karaoke. I fucking hate karaoke! Hhaaaaa!

M described how he spent time getting comfortable with X. They shared a room with twin beds. She wore pyjamas, but he did get to peek at her in her undies ;-) Hahaha. So after some manuoevring he got to hold her hand (she thought it was just being friendly...uh that's not what I heard from your country folk?). And lo-and-behold he managed to make a move on her and somehow got to 3rd base, but had no idea if she liked it or was really an active participant?! Oh, and M said that her lips didn't even move when he planted his on hers! Umm, I'm telling you, this must've been like making out with a wet fish: there seems to be a real lack of sexual awareness...

Anyway, M's a trooper and a soft touch like me (yes, I am). But I've spent enough time with Taiwanese girls to know they just aren't worth the effort, so I apply my own (and v. generous) 6-week rule of them. If there's no sign of life within a couple of solo outings, I only give it a couple more tries and definately 'cease and desist' by the 6th week and move on. It's a system I developed since I've been in LA (before coming here I had no contact with Taiwanese girls...thank God!)

Come on, prove me wrong. ;-)